i didn't know i was broken

'til i wanted to change

The Holy Gospel according to St. John the 21st chapter!

The third time Jesus asks Peter if he loved him, it cut Peter to the heart…
But not because Jesus asked three times if Peter loves him.

Now, to understand why, you need to go back to when that day began. 

When he and the other disciples all struggled together to haul the nets in. 

As the ship swayed back and forth, and the men instinctively rocked their bodies forth and back to counterbalance the momentum that would overturn their ship…

For Peter, it was one of those moments that’s almost surreal.

He thinks how easily the boat could capsize. Just a little too far one way or the other, and everything would go overboard.

Peter can’t help but think about how this because his old life, precariously balanced as it had been, was now overturned…

We know what that’s like, don’t we?

How it takes so much to keep our lives from flipping. How all it takes is something lilting a little too far in one direction, and the life we’d been trying to keep afloat, will capsize…

While the boat dipped and swayed in the water, Peter couldn’t help but think about that night when the pressure got to be too much for him. When he turned tail and denied being a follower of Jesus. The night his life as a disciple went down.

And all it took was one split-second decision, lodged firmly in his past, to capsize Peter’s life. 

And now Peter would spend his life treading water.

One hasty decision, there in his past; ruining his future.

And we’ve all been there, too. Haven’t we?

When the consequences catch up, and all we can do is sit there and watch as they make a mess of everything.
Some hasty decision from our past, ruining our future. 

Christians throughout the ages have called moment likes this, “the dark night of the soul.” And that captures pretty well the way it feels, doesn’t it?

Those nights when the sleep won’t come, and we lay there wondering and worrying about how we’ll go on now.

Now what Peter did, was the only thing he figured he could; try and go back to his old job; fishing…

And that first night back, he didn’t catch a thing. 

A washed up disciple, and now a washed up fisherman, too…

As far as Peter could see; his future was going to be just as bleak as his past. 

So while everyone else did their best to keep the ship afloat; to Peter it all seemed pretty pointless. 

For him, it was only a matter of time anyway…

…Yes, a stranger had told them to cast their nets on the other side of the ship. And yes, by a stroke of luck they had netted this huge catch. 

But Peter knew it couldn’t keep up like this. He knew he couldn’t go around counting on luck every time he came up empty.

Peter had learned that the hard way… 

That night he needed a little luck the most, but came up empty. And not once, not even twice, but three times…

So while everyone else kept struggling with the nets, Peter just stares off. But then, suddenly John stops, stands up and points! That man on the beach, it’s Jesus, he says!

Peter does a double-take; but sure enough, John is right! It is Jesus!

…Seeing Jesus, Peter finally gives up the ghost. He stops everything else, and just jumps overboard! He plunges into the water.

That old life Peter had been trying to keep even keel, he let’s it sink. No longer does Peter tread water. Now he just descends into the waters. 

And standing on the other side of those waters, is Jesus. Ready to give Peter a new life altogether!

When the past threatened to overtake Peter, Jesus showed up. 

The story of Easter - and this is a story about Easter - isn’t that you have to wait until the dawn. No, it’s that Jesus has already gone into The Night and undone its power once and for all!

We spend our lives trying to keep our heads above water, don’t we?

But we shouldn’t, because when our ship starts to take water, when our lives are going down, Jesus turns the waters that would drown us, into the place every last one of our baptismal promises are kept. 

You see, it turns out that those dark nights of the soul, are actually the nights when we’re being made ready to receive everything Jesus has to give!

The moment Peter comes out of the water he smells something; a charcoal fire. And to the other disciples it just smells like breakfast, but to Peter it smells like something else; betrayal. 

The last time Peter smelled a charcoal fire, was the night he stood around one with the guards, and denied being a follower of Jesus. And now all Peter can smell is the night he can’t talk about, or forget either… 

Jesus serves them all breakfast; but to Peter it was like ashes in his mouth… 

And we’ve all been there, too. Haven’t we? Those times when everyone else is getting on with their lives, but we can’t. Because some thing from our past won’t let us.

So after the meal, when Jesus turns to Peter, Peter knows what’s coming. It’s time for the final tell-off. The moment when Jesus will finally order Peter to depart from him once and for all. 

Jesus asks Peter if he loves him.

And Peter knows Jesus already knows the answer. “O Lord,” Peter says, “You know everything.” Peter knows Jesus knows about the three denials. That if Peter loves Jesus, it’s a love that’s not strong enough…

And with that confession hanging in the air, swirling with the smoke from the fire; Jesus doesn’t tell Peter to face the consequences. No! Instead, Jesus calls Peter, PETER(?!?) to follow him all over again!

And if you haven’t been there, then you are now. 

Jesus meets you here, by these waters and calls to you. 

Peter is right, you know. Jesus does knows everything. He knows your sins. And yet, and yet he calls YOU!

…In the course of things, a version of the exchange between Peter and Jesus happens not once, not twice; but three times. 

And on the third time, Peter is hurt. 

But not because Jesus asks three times if Peter loves him. No, 

Peter had already hurt himself denying that, three times. 

No, what hurts Peter is that Jesus did ask at all. 

And not just once, or twice, but three times!

What broke Peter’s heart was finding out just how much deeper Jesus’ love was, than his own! How Jesus didn’t leave Peter to his past sins! That despite everything, Jesus came to Peter! Gave Peter a new life as a disciples all over again!

It hurt Peter to come face to face with just how far Jesus was willing to go for him, of all people. 

And that’ll break your heart, too!

Jesus didn’t die for a certain number of your sins. He died for them all. There’s no limit to how many times Jesus will come back for you. Will call you!

And he comes for you, right now.

Is there some sin from your past that you can’t forget? 

Than know this, those are Jesus’ favorite sins to forgive. And in the name of Jesus, the one who raised from the dead has the power to plunder your past to give you his future, that sin is forgiven.

Is there some sin that you think could undo your future?

Than know this, in the name of Jesus, who takes the death that sin would bring into his tomb and just leaves it there, that sin is forgiven.

And Jesus does this, not once. Not twice. Not even three times. 

No, Jesus does this as many times as it takes!

Jesus will not grow impatient with you. He will, come to you over and over again!

Those dark nights of the soul. Those days when your sins catch up with you; Jesus has turned them into the moments when you will find out just how deep, how long-suffering, how real God’s love is for you!

For in those moments, Jesus will come to you again! Call for you once more! Offer himself to you all over again! 

Jump from the boat you’ve been trying to keep steady into the water of these promises!

You who are here; receive all Jesus gives to you!

The one who knows everything about you; has determined to send you his word yet again! 

“In the name of Jesus, the Good Shepherd, your sins are expunged.”

In other words, they’re as good as dead. 

And what you have now is, new life! 

Truly new life, with future to match too! One that’s free and clear from your past. One that’s lived in the future Jesus gives you now. 

Stop treading water, and just sink into these promises.

Follow Jesus. He comes to you. He calls for you.