why am i soft in the middle

the rest of my life is so hard

A sermon St. John's epistles to the elect lady and her children:

Guess what? I’ve come up with a new way to get your attention! And I think you’ll like it, too. Instead of participation, I thought we might try gossip. That’s right, gossip!

How do you like that? And don’t pretend you’re not suddenly more interested, either! I know you! You can’t resist a little hot gossip! Can you? And you know what else? I’m the object of the gossip, too! Yup, I’m going to spill a little tea on myself! Now I’ve really got your attention. Don’t I?

…While we’re on it, one of the things I want you to take away from my testimony of what a wreck I am is that you would know you can’t shock me. There’s nothing you can confess that will make me think any differently of you. Ok? You don’t have to maintain some sort of image with me! 

First of all, give me a little credit! Sure, I’m no great pastor. But I am at least decent enough to know there’s a reason we begin every service, week in and week out, with the confession of sins! Trust me, I don’t think we do this because it’s nice! No, I know, deep in my bones, that we confess our sins every week because all of us, you, me, all of us, are real, flesh-and-blood, actual sinners! 

So, if you come with me with some real sins, I won’t blush. However, I will do what pastors can do! I will commiserate with you. I will pray with you. And I will go through the confession with you, too. 

And another thing I want you to take away when I tell on myself; I won’t do that to you. I do know how to keep confidence. Amanda can testify to this! Ask her! There have been times when one of you mentions to Amanda something you said to me, but she has no idea what it is! If you and I chat, and you don’t explicitly ask me to share something, I will just assume it’s private between you and me!

And it’s not too hard for me to do this, either.]! I used to worry I’d get twisted up hearing your confessions. But I’ve learned that’s not a real concern. It turns out Jesus wasn’t lying when he said he’d bear our burdens! After I meet with you, I pray. And wouldn’t you know it, usually, in no time at all, I’ve moved on!

Plus, and don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t feel much desire to jaw on you all! Sorry! I mean, I may be dull, but I do have more interesting things in my life than you! What the Whisky Priest in the novel The Power and the Glory says is really true. Sin is actually very unoriginal. It doesn’t make for good gossip! 

..Golly! That was quite the detour. Wasn’t it? I bet you’ve just been sitting on your hands thinking, “Yeah, yeah. All right. We get it, Pastor. Now, let’s get to good stuff! Let’s hear the gossip!” 

Ok. Well, here it is: Every time I visit my folks, my mom tries to get everyone together! *Haha! How’s that for a letdown?!? I told you! I wasn’t lying when I said gossip actually isn’t that interesting! 

Truly, though, this is really frustrating for me! My mom does this every time I come home! Whenever I visit, everyone has to get together! And it’s not just the special occasions, either! No, if I come home on some random weekend, she’s calling my brother, sister, and their families! Plus, she’s usually trying to get my grandma and uncle in on the mix, too!

Ok. I’m playing this up a little. But ask Amanda, this is real for me! Isn’t it, Amanda? I lose my mind when my mom starts making these calls! It stresses me out!

As I say this aloud, I know I sound silly, but hear me out, will ya?!? You know how gatherings go! Do you think all of us can ever agree on where to eat? No, of course, we can't! 

So then, instead of a pleasant, laidback visit, someone is annoyed because we didn’t go where they wanted! On top of that, someone is usually late, too! And it happens every time! Every time! It drives me crazy! Honestly, just talking about it is raising my blood pressure a little!

But you know what? And I’m going to ask you to *raise your hand if you saw this coming. But you know what? I do the same thing, too! I do! I do the same thing as my mom!

How many of you saw that coming? *Raise your hand if you were thinking, “C’mon, Pastor Ryan. You’re not so different.” *RESPOND.

Ok. Well, I do! Just like my mom, I have this idea in my head that everyone needs to be together. And everyone should get along, too!

How does that curse go? We’re all doomed to become our parents. Well, I’m here to tell you, it’s real! And you know what else? I bet it has happened to you, too! Yes, you.

I bet you have some similar dynamic in your life. I bet there’s some family trait that you, too, have. And I bet you’re not altogether happy about it, either! But since we’re all friends here, we’re going to share it with each other!

That’s right! We’re all going to get to know each other a little better today! You can’t get out of participating that easily! Sorry! And just because I won’t tell on you, it doesn’t mean I can’t ask you to tell on yourself! Ha! You didn’t see that one coming! Did you?!?

…Ok. Start thinking. What’s one attribute you’ve unwillingly inherited from your family? And to give you a little time to think, I’m going to say a few things. First of all, this is a bit personal, so you don’t have to play. You can sit this one out. You can just tell whomever you’re sitting by that you’re not up to it today. 

And, as always, you can also lie! You can just make something up! If you’re having trouble thinking of anything, just go with that classic interview fib. Say something like, “I work too hard,” or “I care too much.” You know, one of those backdoor brags!

But because it’s only fair, I’ll go first. You might be thinking, “Pastor, how could you have this trait that thinks everyone has to be together? You don’t have kids.” Well, I hate to admit it, but more often than not, *y’all are the object of my neurosis! 

*Ha! Lucky you. Right? Sorry, I can’t help it! I’ve got it in my head that we all have to be together. And we’ve all got to get along, too! And if we don’t, I take it a little too personally!

*Wow! You know, you could at least act a little surprised! But, fine, I guess. Honestly, though, I bet it’s not that big of a surprise for you. Is it? *And Amanda, you can stop nodding like that!

Do you know what, though? I had never realized this until today’s Scripture shed some light on me and myself! In fact, it helped me realize why I get so stressed when my mom gets everyone together. I think it’s my job to make sure everyone gets along the entire time! 

I do the very thing that stresses me out! But you know what? I bet you do, too! I bet you do the very same things that gets you so uptight about your own family!

That’s one reason I want us to share! You might gain a little sympathy for your loved ones! Honestly, it’s hard to be compassionate with those we’re closest to. Isn’t it? 

That includes yourself, too. Hopefully, you’ll gain a little patience with yourself! We don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do. Do we?

Anyway, it’s good for you. Remember in Genesis, how God lets Adam name the animals? That’s because when you can name something, you gain a little power over it. When you can name your quirks, you gain a little control over them. 

That said, it’s not nearly enough control to quit! But it may be enough to help you notice this dynamic. And that little amount of power is realistic, and it’s enough, too. That minuscule amount of control is enough to stop your reaction from totally controlling you! 

When you better understand what you’re doing, you can notice it. Then, you can even try and negotiate it. Or, at the very least, apologize for it. Not bad! Right? And on that note, I’m sorry if you’ve ever been on the wrong side of my need for everyone to get along. Sorry. I’m a work in progress, too.

…Ok. I hope you’ve been thinking. It’s about time to share. What’s one attribute you’ve unwittingly inherited from your family? But first, a couple more things. 

As always, look around. Invite others to play along. As I said, though, this is a little personal, so everyone might not want to play. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask! It just means you should also allow space for someone to say no. 

This is good exercise for real life. Often, we don’t reach out to each other because we’re afraid of a little awkwardness. But guess what?!? Life is awkward! And you already know that, too! The ability to handle a little awkwardness is a great life skill! You’re welcome!

If you don’t think you can handle gossip, though, you might want to excuse yourself. Truthfully, what we’re about to share isn’t any great secret. But that doesn’t mean you can play fast and loose with it. All right? And, just in case, here’s my hex: May you be so anxious about telling on yourself that you can’t focus on what the other person tells you!

Sharing this, let’s call it “stuff,” is not just good practice for life; it’s also good practice for fellowship! As Christians, we really can share with each other! We have a prior intimate basis. We’re all already connected by the forgiveness of sin! But, if you can’t handle that, you might as well spare us all and pretend you need to use the toilette. 

On the other hand, you may also want to move and share with someone you don’t know as well! What I mean is, maybe you’re sitting next to your father. And perhaps you don’t want to tell him how you’ve become like him! Or, maybe you’re sitting with your wife. And perhaps you don’t want to give her more material to accuse you of becoming just like your father! Right?!?

Lastly, if this all feels a little too close, try and find the humor in it. This is why I keep cracking jokes! If you can laugh at something, you can gain a little distance from it. But, and here’s the important part, in Christ, there’s very little about you and me that’s so serious you can’t laugh at it!

That’s what alleluias are! Alleluias are like a good laugh! And why do you laugh? You laugh because a punchline so expected made everything that came before it a little humorous! Beloved, that’s you! The resurrection is the twist that makes everything else in your mirthful and surprising, too!

With that, I think we’re finally ready! That was a lot of beating around the bush. Wasn’t it? So, let’s get to it! Shall we? What’s one attribute you’ve inherited from your family? Go ahead and share your answer.

…All right. Let’s bring it in, please. Thank you for playing along. As always, you’re good sports.

How was it? Did anyone have any breakthroughs? *Raise your hand if you gained a new insight. *RESPOND. Does anyone have anything they want to share with the rest of us? *RESPOND.

Do you know what I discovered? You know that curse I referred to, that we’re all “doomed to become our parents”? Well, you know what? That’s the absolute right word: doomed!

But I don’t mean this in the sense that we’re all doomed to repeat our histories. Sure, there’s a bit of truth to that. But what I’m referring to is that all our actions have a bit of doom in them. Luther, in The Freedom of a Christian, called this the futility of the law. And what he meant is, all of our actions contain the seeds of their own undoing! In other words, our actions achieve our goals, and they also sabotage them, too!

Speaking for myself, all those ways I try to force peace are surefire ways I make peace harder to come by! My need for everyone to get along adds stress to already stressful situations. And it creates expectations where there doesn’t need to be any!

And you know what? I’m sure it’s no different for you, too! In fact, I bet what’s really vexing about that family characteristic you’ve picked up! It’s not that you do the same thing as your mother. No, it’s that you already know it doesn’t work!

Like me, you already had to live through that futility! You saw your folks, or whoever it was, running into a brick wall with whatever dynamic you identified. But, lo and behold, you didn’t learn any better! Did you?!? No, instead, you went right on ahead and did the same blasted thing!

…At this point, we all want to know how we can fix this. Don’t we? But you know what? That’s just the same old problem all over again! 

Think about it! Needing to fix your problem is a large part of your problem! Isn’t it? It’s all those ways we try to fix our problems that wind up exacerbating them! Aren’t they?

So then, if the solution to your dilemma isn’t trying to fix it, what is it? Well, to put it simply, it’s what we just said! The solution to your dilemma isn’t trying to fix it! And I don’t mean this in some jujutsu, non-action-action sort of way, either! No, I mean this in the plain sense of the words! The solution to your dilemma isn’t trying to fix it!

However, that seems to be the one thing we just can’t do! Isn’t it?!? We can’t, for the life of us, just do nothing! No, we’ve got to do something! And we’ve got to do something even if we know, on some level, that it won’t work! 

We just can’t help ourselves! Can we? No, we cannot! We can’t stop ourselves. What we need is for someone else to step in and put the stop to our reactions for us. 

And, if that’s where you are today, and we all are, then you can consider me your all-too-happy break-man! But guess what? You don’t need me! And you know why? You don’t need me to put the breaks on your compulsions because they’re already broken! 

And you know what else? You already know that, too. Don’t you? After all, your knee-jerk reactions haven’t been working. Have they? Those impulses aren’t just already broken. No, they never worked!

Now, I know that sounds depressing. In reality, though, it’s really encouraging! Instead of fiddling around with those counterproductive reflexes of yours, you’re finally in the realm of reality! And you remember what we say about reality, don’t you? True spirituality is life—where? That’s right, reality! True spirituality is life in reality! True spirituality is life in reality!

Now that you’re not indulging in the fantasy that you can deliver yourself, you finally find yourself in the presence of your Deliverer! And, just to be clear, Jesus has been there all along, too! Good shepherd that he is, Jesus has always been at your side. You’ve just been too busy looking to yourself to notice him! 

That’s all repentance is, by the way. Repentance is just an about-face! Repentance is turning from yourself. And any time you do that, you’ll find yourself looking toward God! That’s how it works! It’s that simple! When you stop looking to yourself, you’re finally ready to begin looking to God! 

…And do you know what you’ll see? Nothing special! That’s right, nothing special! Christ is God incarnate! Christ isn’t some fickle fictional god that you’ve got to cultivate some mystical vision to discover! 

No, Christ is where God meets you in real life! And real life as it really is, too! That’s all the cross is! The cross is the full revelation of the God who actually meets us in real life with all its rough edges and all our sinful self-destruction, too! This is also why true spirituality is life in reality! It’s in reality that we really meet Jesus Christ, the God who meets us in real life! 

Here’s the cool part, though: Even though this humble perspective may not look like much to your religious pretensions, it’s really the beginning of the most blessed viewpoint there is! When you start to expect God in real life, everything starts to appear totally different! Suddenly, reality isn’t something you’ve got to fix up anymore! No, in Christ, your life, as it actually is, becomes the staging ground for God’s work!

When you have that, you already have everything! More, even! This is the blessing of faith! It secularizes everything! It’s the end of religion! 

In Christ, life can just be life! It doesn’t have to be something you must constantly improve! And, for that matter, neither do you! In Christ, you are not a project! No, in Christ, you are a person, foibles and all! 

And you know what else? In faith, your foibles can just be foibles! You don’t need to put value judgments on all your attributes! They’re all just a part of what makes you, you! 

Yes, of course, our less-than-helpful family dynamics often fell prey to sin. But you know what else? They are also subject to Christ’s redemption, too! It’s the real you Christ has really come to save! It’s the you that exists right now, nicks and dents and all, that Christ comes for!

Christ isn’t waiting around for some future, theoretical you! No, he’s come for the you that’s you at *this very instant! It’s the you right now that Christ likes best! And in him, your weak spots are weak spots, yes. But that’s all they are! They’re not something you’ve got to fix! No, they’re just part of the you Christ has redeemed!

In Christ, your life right now is the realm of redemption! Yes, this includes your assets. But it also includes your defects, too! You know what, though? In Christ, it all becomes hard to distinguish!

That’s the way Christ wants it, too! Christ doesn’t want you sitting around looking to yourself! No, he wants you looking to him! And when your faith is fixed on Christ, you have everything! 

In Christ, not only is salvation is yours! No, in Christ, all the parts of you fall into place! Suddenly, there becomes little difference between your flaws and your fortes. In Christ, God uses it all! 

God doesn’t put all of you to work on some doomed self-improvement project, either! No, God uses all of you for something much better! God uses all of you to get you out of yourself! And when you’re out of yourself, you finally become yourself! 

When you’re out of yourself you can finally selflessly serve your neighbor! And you can fully love your God, too! And in those two simple actions that are as lofty as heaven, you’ll learn to fully live! In the process, you’ll also discover the you that’s really you, too!

…What else is there to say? In a way, nothing! Right? But in another way, there’s so much more to say! Isn’t there?

Ideally, this last assertion raised questions for you. Maybe it even raised your hackles. And that’s fine. At least, for me it is. Whatever problem you have with God’s shocking grace is your problem. It’s true. So, the sooner you get used to it the better.

But, by the outpouring of the Spirit, perhaps this assertion has raised your hopes! Maybe it’s even raised the possibilities you’re entertaining, too. I hope so. I hope so because, in Christ, you have an enduring hope and you have the freedom of faith, too! In other words, they’re all yours!

So let’s put it to use! Eh? Praise is the spontaneous outburst of faith! And in Christ, that’s what you have! 

Our Hymn of the Day is We All Are One in Mission, hymn number 576. Hymn number 576, We All Are One in Mission. Let’s sing!