but it's heavy

 

i'm not ready

 

The Holy Gospel According toSt. Mark, the ninth chapter!

"I admit that I am powerless over my addiction, and that my life has become unmanageable."

 

This is the first step in the Narcotics Anonymous meetings that happen here in Trinity Lutheran, now four days a week. Of course this first step of twelve is not specific to our faithful sisters and brothers who meet here, it is also the first step of Alcoholic Anonymous groups and other groups for overcoming addiction.

 

The person serious about getting sober first admits that they are powerless against their addiction and that their life has become unmanageable... Any person serious about their sobriety will tell you this first step is essential.

 

Of course we know this, too. I mean, when we're willing to admit it to others or ourselves.

We know this through our own struggles with addiction, helping others with their fight to sobriety, or simply making smaller but important changes in our lives.

To make a lasting change, first we need to decide that change needs to made. To make a change in our lives we have to admit that the old way of doing things has come to, in one way or another, rule our lives. That old way of life has come to rule our lives and made making changes impossible.

In other words; the old way of life has made our life unmanageable. Tragically we find we are powerless to against that old way of life.

 

So yes, we too know, in one way or another, the importance of this first step...

 

Sometimes making that first step and change is relatively easy; I will eat healthier, take more walks, et cetera.

But just ask any person who is serious about changing their health, even those seemingly simple changes can be quite difficult.

That old way of life has incredible power.

Sure walking a little extra seems easy enough, but when the day is short and you're tired, that old way of life has a power that surprises you. Suddenly we find ourselves in that familiar armchair; not talking that walk we need.

 

Although this change appears easy; often it is not. That is why any person serious about their sobriety, serious about making a change, will tell you how important that first step is: we must admit that we're powerless against our addiction and that our addiction has made life unmanageable.

 

And yet!

Yet, for as important as we can all admit that first step is, more often than not we go about pretending we can manage our lives. More often than not, we go around accommodating that old way of life. More often than not, we just accept that old way of life, and do not seek any real, meaningful change.

The idea that we could live free of whatever we know needs changing seems a fantasy. We go along living with our disease, whatever it may be. We don't admit we're powerless against the disease, we don't admit the disease has come to rule our lives. And so, in that tragic state of life we go around hurting others, hurting ourselves.

 

Maybe this is a question only a young, idealistic person can ask, so I and all those younger than me ask, why?

I mean it. Why?

Why, if we all know that first step is so important and we know that letting addiction rule lives is so painful, why don't we just take that first step?

Why?

 

There are many excuses.

I've done a fair amount of addiction work, and I can rehearse many of the excuses those who haven't hit the bottom give.

"I'm not an addict."

"I'm in control; I just messed up once," and so on.

 

Behind these excuses, though, is denial. When you spend enough time with the real humans hurting behind the addiction, you come to see that behind the denial is a hurting, fearful human.

 

For that fearful person life without that inner addict seems impossible. The idea of admitting that the inner addict has come to rule our lives and a change is needed, is too scary.

So rather than admit that we're powerless against the addiction, that life has become unmanageable; we pretend.

We pretend and that charade hurts those we love, it hurts our selves. It is tragic.

So it falls to us to honor the idealism of those we love who ask "why." Honor their "why?"

 

In fact, sometimes it is the honoring of another's "why" that gives us the strength to take that first step toward sobriety, toward change.

 

I don't know what the fears are in your lives that keep you from making change; but you know, don't you.
Try as we all might to ignore those demons in the corners of life, we know they are there because at one time or another we have all felt the power they have over our lives.

 

Frankly, this issue is not a just a personal one. It is also one that is true for organizations, and it is one that is true here at Trinity.

 

It is difficult to say this, but we can say this in love. We can say this as people charged, and people who take this charge seriously, with proclaiming the Gospel. We can say this as folks who will be here tomorrow to support one another.

 

There are diseases, addictions here that threaten to make life unmanageable.

 

Is there is fear of the threat that more people will leave and the doors will close? Is there is the fear of the threat of conflict? Is there is the fear that all our leaders will continue to grow older, as everyone must, and no younger people will come to continue this mission?

 

This list could go on and on. I know that, but we'll stop.

 

I'll stop because I know naming these fears smarts. Honestly the temptation is to not say these things. But to do so, to do so, would be to let these fears continue to rule life here at Trinity.

Failing to name these fears would be to let them continue to control us.


Honor the "whys" of our young people. Honor the real struggles of our sisters and brother that meet here night and night again to struggle with their addiction.

 

These folks are clawing to get ahead. These faithful people are struggling to better themselves. These sisters and brother are working bone from marrow to try to repair the harms they've cause. These people are doing all this, and they will tell us that if we're serious about making change then step one is essential.

 

If this is true, I think the least we can do is admit that we've given fear control of this place; and this fear has made following our mission more and more impossible.

 

That is the first step. That is the essential step, our sisters and brothers in NA tell us.

But it is not only them who tell us this; Jesus also does. 12 step addiction programs did not exist in Jesus' day, but listen to his words.

"If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little one who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were hung around your neck and you were thrown into the sea."

In case the point hasn't been made, Jesus goes on, "If your hand causes you to stumble, cut it off; it is better for you to enter life maimed than to have two hands and go to hell."

I paraphrase now; "if your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off; and if your eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out." Now some may advocate taking these words literal. They are not literal, they are hyperbolic metaphor.

 

Jesus is speaking in metaphor to make a point. Jesus employs hyperbole to demonstrate the importance of this point.

 

Jesus is telling the disciples, and so us, that if something is standing in the way of living out our mission, we should "cut it off," or cut it out.

If fear is threaten to control life at Trinity, we're called to cut that fear out of our life. Or, as our sisters and brothers in NA might say, admit that we're powerless against this disease and that it has made life unmanageable.

 

Admit this, then give ourselves over to a higher power.

 

Now cutting fear from our mission is rarely as simple as cutting a lose thread. As we just discussed, that first step is hard. So, Jesus might make it sound simple by describing the act as cutting, but when he applies that cutting to metaphorical body parts, Jesus is indicating just how hard it is to make these changes.

 

Yes, Jesus indicates a sophisticated awareness of how hard changes are to make. He also, though, indicates how important it is to make these changes.

 

Often what happens is that the inner addict says that life without whatever it is we're addicted to is impossible. As our NA friends will tell us, though, that inner addict is a liar; a liar out to kill us.

 

Yes, life without an eye may seem impossible, but Jesus tells us there are bigger consequences. That's the rub; what we're afraid of tries to set itself as the biggest force in life. Jesus, however, tells us otherwise.

 

Jesus can sound harsh, and we should hesitate to always reshape him into some cuddly uncle. These words may sound harsh, and for the person, the congregation, denying the force of the disease of sin, these words are harsh.

 

For people grasped by the promise of God, though, we cannot help but to hear these serious words, as promise.

 

Jesus calls us to cut the fear that keeps us from living our mission because Jesus is the messiah who gives new life to those in need. Jesus calls us to cut that fearful foot from our lives as one who also promises to heal us.

 

Jesus speaks these words as one who is trustworthy. Jesus speaks these words as someone, not like the inner addict, who has our own health in mind. Jesus speaks these words as the one who takes those dismembered, fearful limbs with him to the grave, and then rises again to restore creation.

 

Cut those diseased limbs. Cut them because Jesus commands it. Cut them to honor the sincere "why" of our young ones. Cut them for your own good. Cut them, so that Trinity may be what God intends it to be; a blessing for others.

 

I know it is not easy, but God does promise us life on the other side of the fears from those threats.

Yes, there are fears here at Trinity. And those fears are real, and perhaps a little fear can serve us.

But those fears are not our mission and they will not empower us to live out this mission.

 

What gives us the ability to live out our mission is God's word. Hear it, hear God's Word: Everyone will be salted with fire. Salt is good - Have salt in yourselves.

 

Be salty people, salty disciples that have felt the sting of fear. Salty followers who have felt that sting, yet have not lost their saltiness. Jesus calls us to cut that fear, and Jesus promises us that cutting that fear will not mean a stop to life. Jesus promises us that by his word we remain salty - disease, addiction and fear cannot do that. Only God's Word, sisters and brothers can preserve us.

 

Trust God's word - then turn and confess that we have let fear rule our mission and so managing our mission becomes more and more impossible. Confess that, and then hear God's Word that makes things happen: Have salt in yourselves.

 

Amen.