you think i'm a disgrace
but i can't resist
We’re all trying to prove our worth. Aren’t we?
Last month I got a little reflection published on a website I’ve admired for years. It was exciting. The fulfillment of a goal I had for a couple of years, actually…
Last month I got a little reflection published on a website I’ve admired for years. It was exciting. The fulfillment of a goal I had for a couple of years, actually…
Two summers ago, during a quiet week, I first tried to get something on their website…
And it was probably one of the most discouraging things I’ve ever done!
It was harder than I anticipated! I couldn’t articulate what I wanted to say. I’d start, and then start over again. And, I’d get to the middle, only realize I was rambling! It was frustrating!
Eventually, I threw in the towel. Convinced I didn’t have it in me.
And that’s not that uncommon an experience. Is it?
…What UN-accomplished goals do YOU have have? What achievements do you long to fulfill? We all have them.
I’ll even give you 30 seconds for you to actually think of one or two. *Don’t worry, I won’t make you share*
Now, if you’re anything like me, I suspect you didn’t need 30 seconds. Did you? In fact, in all likelihood, all it took you was one second for that old list of
UN-met goals and UN-fulfilled resolutions to fill your head.
UN-met goals and UN-fulfilled resolutions to fill your head.
You’re not alone in that.
We all have these lists of UN-completed projects that keep us awake at night. UN-met goals that wag their finger at us. Saying we should do MORE…
Why is it, do you suppose, that we all carry around these lists? How come our lists never end? Why aren’t we more satisfied with what we’ve actually managed to accomplishment?!?
Because, like I said, eventually I did manage to get something on that website… But here’s the deal, less than a week after, something happened. And I bet you know what it was…
Yeah! The luster of meeting that goal started to lose its shine! No sooner did I meet that goal, than I started to feel like I needed to meet another one! The moment I crossed that goal off my list, I replaced it with more!
Our ambitions are like those dragons from the stories, the ones that you cut one head off, and two come back in its place!
Before I had ticked that goal from my list, I thought if I managed to get something on their website I’d achieve something. Prove myself.
But, standing on the other side on that checkmark, I can see it was a myth.
In fact, looking back, I now see I was better off the first time I tried and failed!
And it’s no different for you and your failures, either!
Here’s something old Christians would call a mystery; failing to meet our goals is where our real accomplishment lays!
We’re always trying to prove our worth. Find our worth. Aren’t we?
…Which, isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
The trouble, though, begins when we look for our worth in the wrong places. When we try and prove our worth in the wrong ways.
Which is what we almost always do when left to our own druthers…
Like me, we’ll always think our worth lies in OUR accomplishments. But, like all our accomplishments thus far, the one that will finally seal the deal, always seems to be just a little out of our reach. Isn’t it?
This is a common starting point for Christians. And today, I want to talk about the Irish saint, Conan O’Brien…
…Remember that whole fiasco about ten years ago when he was bumped from the Tonight Show after, like, less than 9 months?
I do. I always thought Conan was the funniest, weirdest guy on late-night TV. I was firmly in the “Team CoCo” camp. So when he was UNceremoniously removed, I watched his career with interest.
I do. I always thought Conan was the funniest, weirdest guy on late-night TV. I was firmly in the “Team CoCo” camp. So when he was UNceremoniously removed, I watched his career with interest.
The first follow-up he did was go on tour, which wasn’t anything special. But, during that tour he announced he was going to TBS. Where he’s managed to stay, and get funnier, for the past 8 years.
…This winter they announced they were changing the format of the show. Making it shorter and doing more side-projects.
In the press for these changes Conan did an interview with the New York Times, and it was fascinating.
It turns out, it wasn’t the freedom of being on cable that set Conan free to be funnier than ever. It was failing. Failing to keep the chair as the Tonight Show host! Being forced to take a step down!
When the interviewer asked Conan if he was okay with the thought of going out on a second-tier cable network, on a shorter show; Conan had an interesting response:
I’m never going to have a better farewell show than I did on ‘The Tonight Show.’ I loved that show and so I feel, in a weird way, I had my farewell show. I did it. I died…”
What really set Conan free from the burden of measuring-up, wasn’t measuring-up. It was failing! Dying, even!
And freed from the pressure to go out on top, to make a name for himself, Conan has only gotten funnier, better!
And it’s no different for you and your failures!
It isn’t meeting our goals that will finally set us free from their pressure; it’s failing them! Dying to them! Dying to person they tell us we must become!
Today we’re talking about the second article of the creed, “Redemption.” And to be redeemed means, to be “BOUGHT back,” “BOUGHT again.” In other words, what we’re worth, and how to find out.
Okay, let’s bust out our hymnals and read the explanation together (p. 1162).
You see, you have been purchased! And already, too! You HAVE worth! And, a lot more of it than you’d ever guess!
You’ve been purchased, but not with gold or silver. You’ve been purchased with something, or someONE, much more valuable; Jesus!
We’re always trying to prove our own worth, aren’t we? But as it turns out, that’s a fool’s errand! Foolish, not only because we can’t. But even more foolishly, because we don’t have to!
Your worth, it comes in a way you’d never guess! Not by effort, but grace! Jesus, in his great love, has gone ahead and handed your worth over to you!
Jesus didn’t lay his life down to because he had to. We just confessed he’s God! That means he doesn’t have to do anything! Jesus laid his life down because in his love, he determined YOU, you’re worth it!
You’re worth it! That’s how valuable you are! You are worth Jesus’ holy and precious blood!
This promise gives you a worth that will not fade. A value that will last forever! A price you can one day exchange for a crown!
Next time you struggle with your self-worth, and we all do from time to time, don’t look to your dubious accomplishments. Look to Jesus.
The story the world tells is once we’ve accumulated enough accomplishments we can climb atop them and show God how worthy we are. But the Gospel tells another story!
The story of God’s love. God’s love coming to us! God’s love coming to us when we’re least prepared, or deserving for that matter!
This part’s the mystery; God has given you, your worth. And the place God has done this, is the last place you’d expect. Not your accomplishments, but your failures!
In John’s Gospel, Jesus’ last words are, “It is finished.” And the place this happened was the cross.
The cross.
The place that looked for all the world like failure. But there, and there alone, Jesus accomplished what all our accomplishments are a striving after; Jesus made a place. A place where we can finally rest. Rest assured.
As Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens and I will give you rest.” Come to Jesus all you who are burnt-out by the never-ending demands of our expectations. You who are exhausted by the to-do lists that never end.
The place we stand under the shadow of Jesus’ accomplishment is the shadow of failure.
When we’re furtherest from our own accomplishments, we’re closest to Jesus’! His “It is finished!”
And the truth is, we have no shortage of failures. But blessedly the “re” in Jesus’ RE-demption will NEVER run out! There is noting that can fall outside of Jesus’ accomplishment! It is finished!
And in those words, in that promise you may finally rest.
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